I tried to cheat depression, watching hours of motivational content one night, after that I couldn’t even go to sleep anymore, I’ve just worked until I’ve collapsed after 6 hours, I haven’t even ate anything, but I was drinking coffee like water, every time I was thirsty I would’ve made myself an american coffee, leave it to get cold and just drink it like a glass of water.I’ve felt relieved to do something, even if I worked an entire morning and slept during the middle of the day.
But the fact that I’ve slept like this caused me to repeat the process, I woke up very tired, I spent hours not doing anything important except maintaining things how they are, and feeling even more tired each day.
Working constantly like this would eventually make anyone collapse, until they learn how to manage it and control it.
Now I realize that I was performing great as it was, I wasn’t creating or improving anything, but I was maintaining my current work, most of the people that get into depression abandon their work and just feel more pity for themselves.
It took me over a year to understand myself and my body, and avoid getting depressed for more than a day, sometimes even hours, and sadness is an horrible thing, nobody deserves to be sad and depressed, because they’ll slowly make everyone else feel the same around them, even if they’re happy, depression and sadness is a much stronger feeling than happiness, and too often it drives out decisions.
Taking things more slowly and not rushing things to see what happens, has driven me to do even greater things, I’m not the type of person that doesn’t plan, but I sometimes tend to forget about the details, because I always see the bigger picture of things.
I tend to not let a minute pass without thinking about something, either how to improve my work, how to keep everyone around me happy, avoiding conflict, avoiding problems and many other small details.
But sometimes we have to try different things, not to change ourselves, but to understand others.
Relaxing my mind allowed me to share my toughs and knowledge easier, most of my blog posts were done when I was really excited about something or really sad about not something, and in the past days I’ve realized that blogging with a clear mind helps me express better and deliver a better message, I still have to learn a lot about expressing myself, because it’s one of the hardest things for me, when I’m talking to a single person, it’s much easier for me, because I can see if he understands or not, and do it from a different point of a view, because that’s one my biggest qualities, talking about things from different angles very easily.
I can do this with a few persons at once, right now it’s very hard for me to convince a group of people about my perception and vision of things, because my talking skills tend to be very emotional, because I’ve learned to express myself in the way the person in front of me will get the message I want to deliver, usually when I scream or swear I calm down after a few minutes, because I want to make sure the other persons understands how I feel about certain things.
You have to understand yourself first, then you can try to understand others, compassion is one of the strongest feelings out there, and the person who gives to the one in need will receive it in return.
I express myself directly, I never hold toughs or emotion in me anymore, sometimes I have to do it and I try to get it out as fast as I can, because gathering negative energy and anger inside you, will only make you blow up and do stupid things.